A Black Reflection

There are times, people do get scared..

I'm not scared momma..

But there are times when I won't .. be here anymore..

But what if I need you?

Then you'll have to be strong very... strong.

But I thought you said you'll always be there momma..

Things change, I can't stay now...

But you said for always ... please.. don't leave me here with Daddy please..

I have to go, I don't want to.. someday you'll understand these things. And someday you will see me again. I will always watch you..

But will I still be your son when you are gone? Momma? Momma!

Of course you'll always be my very special son..always do your best... please for me.. try to accomplish everything you were meant to. . . I love you Jimmy-boy

Why is it so dark?

~*~ A deep panting as his eyes flashed open. His chest was heaving with sweat, his eyes burning with moisture. Slowly sliding beneath the G.U.A.R.D. sheets glancing around the room, taking it all in. seeing only an outline of a door, and off-white walls. That was pretty much all he had in his cell. After the GUARD base in the US had been destroyed the few things that he did have in his room were destroyed with it. He hadn't the time or effort to buy new ones to replace them. Not that he really had a need for such things. Slowly getting up, he wouldn't be able to sleep again. His head cradled in his hand, and his hands then in his lap as he oriented himself. France, yes the French base.. he longed for the American one. There was always a smile, a happy sound rolling though the halls. The familiar petty squals of Dayre and.. well everybody. He glanced around the room, saying then saying to himself ~*~ Why is it so dark? Lights.. On ~*~ The lights the throbbed on and lit the room, which was as barren as it was when it remained concealed in darkness. A steady sound, a hissing like rain. A soothing sound that soon ceased to that uncomfortable errie ringing silence. He shifted his weight allowing the sound of the dull hard matress fill the audiable void. The thumping of the florecent bulbs then was heard, the atrifical ringing.. as he stood, his bare feet pading up against the cold hard floor. The silence of a place that held so many was astounding. Still he felt tired.. how long had he slept? days hours.. a year? It felt like a very very long time.. and if he had slept so long.. why wasn't he awakened?. He wandered towards where his window was.. saying lightly ~*~ Window.. open ~*~ And so the whirr of technology the windoe was opened. A small one but still a window. He had a luxury of not being confined downstairs in the lower rooms. He actually had a window.. the other rooms were too much like.. Yvette's... "They have done such a fine job of brainwashing that you don't even realize how much of a prisoner you are. " He paused as the words seemed to bellow thought his mind.. "At least 'I' can see the walls of my cell " Stupid woman what did she know? If anything .. he sighed.. ~*~ She'd as deslutional as I am...

~*~ He slid to alone slab that protruded from the wall resting his elbows on another slab that mimiced the first. A "Table" in this room of his. He glanced and held his gaze staring out the window for a very long time. He watched the night sky, only thne realising it was night. Watched most of all his reflections dance in the glass, and twinkle while being super imposed with the stars. He glanced upwards... even some of the conselations seemed different. Unfamiliar. "I refused to continue to be their puppet." He shuddered, damned if that woman wasn't a telepath.. her words still bounced around in his head. As that of a long misunderstood mother. Two voices of reason.. speaking in unision. His mind slowly wakin gup, more so as he stared to his reflection.. which like a lap dog mimiced every move he made. He watched as he breathed as so did the reflection. Usually not one to think about such things.. reflectiosn and what not.. but he found himself staring at it, his mind not being able to do anything else with itself. Finding himself then staring directly into his own eyes, as indeed small drops of moisture started to trickle to the window. Perhaps the hissing was raining. There.. that was a sound he hadn't heard in ages. He smiled as another drop startled him. Tilting and rolling his head to the side as he watched in near child like wonder. ~*~

The sky doesn't cry...

Then why does it look so cold, so lonely..

I don't think the sky would have anything to cry about. It's a beautiful thing the sky, it's /never/ lonely..

What do you mean?

I mean it always has the coulds and stars, and litle boys like you to marvel at it.

Then why is it crying?

James.. the sky doesn't cry, it's simply raining..

I /knew/ that.. it just looks sometimes.. like its sagging and sad. . . Momma?

Yes?

Can we always watch it rain like this?

Of course.. I'll always be here for you...

YOU LIED!.. YOU LIED!

~*~ He blinked back from his thoughts and echoes of memories, to the reflection, his hand pressing towards the glass, and the drops snaking their way across the window. His smile was jaded for a moment; Perhaps he should seek counsling from a TP... he hand't thought about her.. in... he paused.. in ages. Her wisdom, her dull blonde hair. The ache that he one time did feel, the pride that accompined it knowing she was to overlook every acomplishment from wherever she was. He sighed again an ache that long ago lessened to a dull throb, to where as now.. he hardly felt it when he thought of her. He only mananged a smile.. but why now.. why would he think of such things /now/? He slid his hand back to his chin leaving a perfect hand print upon the glass, watching for a long time then the clouds roll over themselves. The lighter and darker ones wrestling for dominance. The moon just a bystandard in their raging madness. "Hell, I regret the fact that I was even born unnatural. " He sighed as his mind tended to wander.. wondering perhaps what she was doing as well. Did her pathetic holograph window that always showed a green medow.. was it capiable of seeing this.. rain? Was she as so narrow minded, just as she accused /him /several times in the past as being the very same thing? He thought about this too as he said lightly ~*~ Light off... ~*~ And watched the sky then in his pitch blackness. ~*~

I don't have time to deal with the child..

But sir.. he's your son..

I don't care

General Sir He's right outside the door... It's his eighth birthday for chrsits sake..

Then go take him for ice-cream I don't have time to deal with him.

Y.. yes sir. . . . Your father is really.. busy. But he said he wishes you the best, and he can see you another time.. come'on lets go out for ice cream..

I.. heard what he said... he's just busy right? Dad's just mad.. because..because..

Was it because I was never good enough? ~*~ Shifting his weight and then gazing out the window again. A mutterance beneath his breath.. ~*~ I never was good enough.. was I genereal? No matter what I did I was a failure in your eyes.... I don't understand.. I never understood.~*~ A sharp breath and another deep gaze to his relfection. That against the meloncholly skies reflected back everything.~*~

The general will have nothing to do with anything that reminds him of his wife!

Even at the extent of his son?

That's right.. Hush. . . here comes James.. Good Morning James! Are you excited about starting your first day at your new school?

What's wrong with the one I went to?

Well.. James.. The general, your father, wanted you to grow up strong.. very strong.. so he's sending you to a military school so you can be! Don't you want to be big and strong?

Of course I want to be strong, .. just like father..

You'll have a lot of boys that are your age too!

I doubt there'll be /that/many twelve year olds..

More than you think James..

What is that /child/ doing here? I don't have time for this.. for him

I don't understand .. father.. Father? why am I invisiable to you?!

~*~ He leaned back uncomfortably as he continued to watch the sky. He forced his mind to think of other things. Things that were not as enraging.. not as painful. Where was there a comfortable thought? The peir.. Warpole, Vince.. that was a good time. He reminded himself that too he could not just string together the best times as some deluded utopia that he can live in to day to day. Sighing as he glanced back to his room, perhaps a few pictires.. a few things to make this new place his home. . . ~*~

Here ya go buddy?

What the hell is this?

It's called a present you idiot.

I know it's a present, but why?

I read your file it's your birthday you steroid.

My.. oh I almost forgot..

Yeah you must be getting old then..

Very funny Vince.. I'm only 21..

Yeah well you are still older than me grandpa. Well don't just gawk at it.. open it!

What the hell? This better not be a playmate calandar like Pole gave me for Christmas

Pole gave you WHAT?!

Nah, I'm just kidding ya..

I didn't know what to get the guy who has nothing.. So I thought two tickets to the Blue Angels in San Fran might be appoperiate...

Two..?

Yeah you think I am gonna let you go by yourself..?! Hell no I'm going too!

May I ask /why/ the wrapping paper? The tissue?

For suspence man.

~*~ He never got to go that weekend. As much as he wanted to, duty called and that was always more important to a flights fancy. Instead he had the framed with a picture of an F-18 as the matte. One of the few things he had in his room at the base. He thought about it for a long moment glancing at his room here.~*~ It's near depressing..

It's near depressing.. down right depressing

What is?

This place I swear.. with all this hype you'd think I'd have a great power

What is your power anyway Vince?

What's yours?

I asked first..

Like I give a shit..

Well it's rather disturbing..

Show me.. I love this frea-kay shit..

Well I /can't/show you.. I'd kill you I haven't controlled it really yet..

That kind of frea-kay shit eh?

Well yeah . . . Kinda

Well then I suppose I'll tell you mine .. I can teleport things..me, you, that house..

Well that's damned cool!

Well I have to replace something the same mass though.. you would NOT believe all the logs and parts of cars and couches wind up in my flat.

I could imagine...

It's a great way to score TV's at discount prices..

~*~ "Hell, I regret the fact that I was even born unnatural..even born unnatural. " The thought echoed though his mind again and he came to the sameconclusion.~*~ Damn it Yvette.. sometimes I do too...~*~ He paused and growled ever so slightly..feeling the urge to throw somethingin this frustration. In the complexities that consumed his mind and reeled such thoughts a fewmore surfaced and faded.. He attributed most of them to being tired..his mind tending to wander when it was in lack of sleep. ~*~

I don't /want/ James on my team... he's too weak.

He throws like a girl..

Maybe he is a girl!

James the little girl! That's what he should be called!

James is a girl.. James is a girl

Loser!

Failure!

What is it now?

This is the dean from James' school.. Mrs. Shaw

James? James who? Who are you?

Mrs. Shaw from Cardnal Newman sir, the military school your /son/ //James// is attending.

Ah.. yes.. what is it?

Well sir, I believe that your son is having troubles adjusting.. he's just not happy here..

What do you mean? You have the gall to call me up and bother me with such trivial things?

Well /sir/ when a student is not adjusting well we are to call the parent, or gaurdian.. it's policy..

Policy? . . . He's not adjusting well you said?

No sir he's shunned by the other students.. it might be because he does not excell in certin acidemic areas.

Such as?

Well althetics to mention one..

He's always been weak, a failure in that department.. well if that is all I really have to go Mrs. Shaw.. don't call me with such unimportant things again..

Sir..you're son isn't that imortant?

At the moment there are more pressing matters..

You.. really shouldn't call him. He's a very busy man. I mean the general doesn't have time for unimportant things..

James..listen to me.. someday. Even now, you are a remarkable child.. so what if you aren't good at sports.. your smart.. You are the first in a lot of your other classes.. someday James... You'll be out of your father's shadow.. and you'll understand.

I understand the general already.. he's just. . . busy.

~*~ More agression flared, and more anger gathered as he thought back. How he took those words in stride, and forthe first time in a very long time.. he had felt special. He then sprawled on his back staring at the white celing. Watching it blaze as a flash of lightning crashed.. blinking.. then he started counting.. one.. two.. three.. four.. five..six.-BOOM- six miles away... Then forcing a chuckle at his old routine. Proping his hands beneath his head and then watching the room glow again with another strike.~*~

So tell me about /your/ family Jimmy-boy.

What is there to say.. my mom died when I was really young..

What about your dad?

Oh the general? Well he's a general, a very important man. High authority.. very responsiable.

You sound like you hate the guy..

*An akward silence* I have never admired or loved another human as much as I love the general.

Then why the hell do you keep calling him "The General?"

Because.. he's a .. general..

He's still your dad.

Vince.. I don't expect you to understand these things.. He's just the general.

You know how much of a dork you look like slurping milk outta one of those little cartons? I mean you the guy a size of a bus.. and a small little carton.

You know how flattened you'l look in a few seconds?

~*~ The rain pounded with renewed vigor, as he sat back and thought. his fingers gripping his long blond locks. His eyes half lidded as he glanced towards the door. Watching a paper thin slit beneath it flicker as someone walked past.hearing, and straining to do so their footsteps fall away. He vaugely wondered what time it was.. to only glance at a spot where his alarm was in the other base. Sighing and saying then ~*~ Time..~*~ An automated very volumptious voice asounded ~*~ Three Fifty Eight and Twent nine seconds.. AM. ~*~ Three in the god damned morning.. he looked then forward to a long restless night. ~*~

Well if' it's between James and Charlton over there I guess *slight discust* James..

I'm.. not last.. I'm not..last I've waited three years in this military hell school.. I'm Not last!

What did you say Jerk-off?

Oh.. n..n..noting

Anyways James you are last up to bat.. and are deep right field...

Oh.. okay!

~*~ He smirked slowly remembering the next chain of events perfectly.. Sounds of a a game, children all cheering and rooting. Then one small child, a half-pint compared to the others wandered up to the plate. unsure looking.. and akward. He picked up the metal bat, even that seeming to take effort from his thin arms. A pitch was heard.. the he swung, missed. A whoosh and laughter from his peers. He slupmed his shoulders a bit more. A pitch, a swing -whoosh-. More laughter.. a pitch a swing.. -CRACK- silence. He opened his eyes as the ball went.. sailing over the playing feild into the next.. He blinked his eyes again, not a one of them more astounded than he. He dropped the bat, a cheshire grin spreading over his face, as he looked as the ball bounced a few times.. and rolled to a stop. The kids stared at him agast. His smile never faded.. as he ran, faster than usual around the bases.. to finish, again to that errie silence. He chuckled then his eyes pressing closed in near vindictive joy. ~*~ I was never picked last again.

I want to pick first!! James you're on my team!!

No fair I WANTED James..

No I called him first..

But he's the best..

Who is it?

This is Mrs. Shaw from Cardnal Newman sir.. It is about your son James..

What now? I really don't want to waste anymore time on that child..

I have good news about your son sir..

Well what is it?

He is the school's top athlete.. he's our top student. He axcels in almost everything, and has broken many of our records already sir.

And...?

I . . . thought you. . would like to be informed sir, of your son's excelent progress!

If I would have liked to have been informed about the child's preogress I would have contacted you.. is that all?

General, sir, .. I have grown strong and improved greatly..

Well good for you.. Now Mrs. Shaw do not disturb me again.. unless the child is dying I do not wish to hear about it..

~*~ The later half of the conversation fell on deaf ears.. all James head was..the general's praise..Thoughts, that of which brought an honest smile to his face. A smile that caused his eyes to shut in remembering. The pride that still he felt from those words. The pride that sometimes kept him striving for his goals, and the satisfaction of attaining them. He slid beneath the sheets then trying again his hand at sleep. Though the hands of the sand-man did not beckon him. Instead let him lay, and think. The rain subsided at these thoughts.. and the sky cleared to allow the heavenly graces of the moon sweep between their openings. For a timehe wondered therein silence.. if the storm was really over. But soon the rain proceeded to fall again.. and near pound the glass in doing so~*~.